Tips from a wedding attendee

Chocolate fountains and pasta with red sauce only go so far. Both are great in theory, but not together and both place unnecessary stress on your guests freeloaders friends. I’ve been to a few weddings in my time (this advice goes for funerals and baby parties too), so I’ve built up a number of helpful observations. While everyone’s eyes light up at the flowing chocolate, the reality is that chocolate is damn hard to get out of party clothes. And those gi-normous, gorgeous looking strawberries that you dip in the fountain? Do you know anyone who can eat them without getting chocolate on their face and still look dignified?

Tip #1 The buffet stations (not the long table where everyone has to line up) is great. It lets the vegetarians pick out their stuff and the guests can wander around to their hearts content.  Sub-tip 1b – don’t put the vegetables in the middle of the meat dishes cuz then you get a whole bunch of vegetarians/pescatarians/vegans fighting the omnivores to get the last asparagus stalk and hey, they’re missing all the delicious steaks already, don’t frustrate them any more!  Guest-tip 1c – if you pick up some of the grilled zucchini for your vege-friends, don’t let it touch the chicken.

Tip #2 Long noodles are yummy, but they splash. I’m a super fan of all types of noodles, but I avoid them like the plague at business meals, job interviews – basically anywhere I’m not wearing jeans and a t-shirt. And, if it is Alfredo sauce, it has to be a white T-shirt and if it’s red sauce, it has to be a black t-shirt.  Just think of all the lovely white shirts and suit jackets and pretty dresses….oh, this rule can be thrown out if your guests are wearing clothes with a busy pattern in strong colours – the splashes will just blend in. Guest-tip 2b – if you get oil stains on your clothes that won’t come out – put some baby powder on them, let them sit for a few days, brush off the powder and wash again. The powder soaks up the oil. However, just as a side note to wedding planners and brides the long noodles do provide entertainment for the other guests 🙂

Tip #3 Your guests will entertain themselves so use decorations that you aren’t worried about getting back and that are easy to take apart. The latter is so that your guests won’t hurt themselves when they start poking at things and so that they can get creative with things and keep out of trouble while you’re making the rounds of the tables or they are waiting to be called up for the buffet.

Tip #4 Be the best sport on the day. Things will go wrong. Things won’t happen on time. Things will get spilt and broken and who cares? You’re married, the money is already spent and you have dozens of witnesses! If you enjoy yourself, your guests will too!

Some examples:

This is what you see just before it goes wild – only calm on the surface:

That sparkly collar used to be on the chair coverings – luckily it was only velcro holding it on

But all is good if the Bride participates

Until the dancing starts (don’t worry! They were just doing an x-rated kissing demo!)

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